Since this time-waster was the pain doc's bright idea in the first place and then staff created this additional burden... At least the receptionist at UW Hospital knew what she was doing and squeezed me in between the patients who were scheduled properly. I'm just doubly frustrated because my PI added more items to the (already massive) to-do list and as it was, I had no idea how I was going to finish everything. She didn't realize I had medical tests scheduled for the following day and gave me another day to get things done but still... I'm trying to work around another student's projects as well so it's not a matter of simply diving into my work at the drop of a hat; it takes an immense amount of planning & coordination.
Last night, I stayed up late to run some calculations for the new experiments and find a way to squeeze them in between the ones that were already on my agenda for today, tomorrow and the day after that. I'm sure my lab mate (who I share a lot of resources with) isn't particularly happy with me right now for trying to take over the lab. I'm hoping he had other things planned for the next few days--like data analysis, which can be done on his own laptop. Meanwhile, I'm stuck waiting here for a space to squeeze into. The only other alternative would have been to reschedule and that would definitely have made a much bigger mess than we already have! I figure I’d already lost time today so we might as well get it over with.
You can be sure that the next time a doctor wants me to take time from work for tests (when I'm asymptomatic), I will refuse on the grounds that my work has suffered enough! It's like they're trying to slowly suffocate my reputation in the lab before I even finish my first semester! Sure, they probably had their reasons but if my academic career dies, nothing else will matter. I live for science and if I'm not allowed to do it, if I'm forbidden to be myself, then all that hard work and preventative care will be for nothing. Besides, there is a large part of me that feels like I have something to prove.
Most patients in my situation leave their professions and never return. The general public tends to look at chronic pain patients a certain way and I want to completely dissolve that stereotype. Furthermore, I think it's important to give hope to others suffering from chronic pain. I want to show people that it is possible to have it all; that you can successfully shuffle medical responsibilities, professional obligations, fiscal crises and still find time to have a social life. Although, I have to say, that last item may be somewhat of a stretch. Between mounting expectations, a growing workload and constant interruptions, I'm finding it difficult to find time for myself.
As it is, I write all my blog entries on my smartphone while I'm on the go (usually on the bus or in waiting rooms). I never write from a desk. That's why there are long gaps between posts as well. I'm lucky if I can log in more than once a week (to post multiple entries at the same time, written on different days). So if you happen to notice lengthy periods where the blog isn't getting updates, you can be fairly certain that it's because I have too much work to do and too little time for my personal life. I'm also starting to worry about AARI's upkeep. I haven't had any time for the website, fundraising, or advertising lately. My poor volunteers haven't even gotten their stuff yet! I keep hoping things will settle down by "such-and-such-a-date" but then it never does...Well, I guess that's the end of my writing for today; just lost one arm to an inconveniently-placed IV.
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