Gems & Giants

I always get excited when new beads are on the way. I just ordered materials that will be used to make our first ever fall collection (at the AARI Gift Shop) and I can't wait for them all to arrive. Autumn foliage and Halloween served prominently as inspirations in my designs so you can expect to see lots of chalcedony (carnelian, sardonyx, bloodstone, agate, etc.), volcanic scoria, tiger eye, garnet, red jasper, and fire opal Swarovski crystal accented by rich gold and copper in our inventory this fall. My heart is literally fluttering with anticipation; almost like falling in love! Seriously!

That's not all I have to be excited about... Today, I start working on GUVs, otherwise known as giant unilamellar vesicles. After two solid months of amino acid and lipid adsorption isotherms (and my first lot of publishable data), I am soooooo ready for change. That's the thing with me-- I need to circulate projects every so often to ward off boredom and minimize frustration. In the past, I've worked for people who were content to have me do nothing but reproduce other people's results over and over and over. Not only did this stifle my creative spirit, but it effectively shut down any opportunities I would have had to publish original research. Trust me. If innovation is what your pioneering spirit craves, then the life of a lab technician isn't for you. If you don't mind the monotony and you'd rather not be published, then maybe it is. Thankfully for me, my PI seems to want to move forward as much as I do (well, most of the time, anyway).

GUVs can be up to 100um in diameter!

So, I expect to spend the day in my nice, comfy office pouring over the papers of my predecessors and trying to figure out what I need to get started. It would be nice to have this project off the ground before classes start in just a few weeks. Dr. Sahai and I still haven't discussed which courses she'd like me to take (she's been on medical leave for the last few weeks) so it could be anything from fluff to the hardest science in the catalog. One thing she did already make clear however, is that she expects me to keep those As rolling in! No pressure though, right?

Welcome to the “A” factory! My office in it’s current state.

Changes at AARI

I've come to a decision regarding AARI and the gift shop. Since coming to UW-Madison, I have had very little time to pursue the development of AARI. My research activities in the Sahai lab require over 60 hours a week; leaving little time for much else. With the start of the academic year almost upon us, I have decided to introduce changes which will allow me sufficient time to keep up with my scholarly activities while maximizing any remaining time to continue working towards AARI's vision of establishing a research laboratory and museum for astrobiology in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, Canada.

Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario

I feel it would be most beneficial to our cause to shift our focus to fundraising and outreach efforts almost exclusively for at least this next year. Since it will be at least a few years until my doctoral degree is complete and I will be able to return to Canada full-time, this change should not drastically limit our potential and may even give us more options to expand in the future. This brings me to changes where the AARI Gift Shop is concerned. I have decided that based on customer feedback, it would be in our best interest to move away from lower-cost, simpler items and instead focus on high-quality, one-of-a-kind pieces.

It has also been difficult to find bead suppliers locally in Madison that offer the raw materials we need at a reasonable price. To circumvent this problem, all of our supplies will be ordered in from elsewhere. This means that we won't be able to maintain as large an inventory as we have now. To preserve variety, we are also going to start offering items on a seasonal basis. Every three months, all pieces will be swapped out of inventory for new ones. This should help us to keep wait-times (between the time at which an order is placed and the date upon which orders arrive at their final destinations) down to a minimum because we will only have to keep certain stones in stock; those featured during a particular season. This fall we will only be keeping sizeable quantities of stones with colors which reflect the season. Of course, we will still be able to fill custom orders but that will come with the expectation that customers may have to wait an additional week or two for supplies to reach us.

I hope to start making changes to the website this weekend and our new supplies should begin to arrive within days. I'm not yet sure of the precise date upon which the change to seasonal stocking will occur but I'm hoping for late-August/early September. That, of course, will depend on my workload in the Sahai lab.

These changes to our online store should help to ramp up our fundraising efforts because each item sold will be able to bring in more money for our start-up fund per piece and it will be easier to keep up with the pace at which orders come in while I'm engaged in my research and other scholarly activities. I really do hope this works out in the long run. I thoroughly enjoy making jewelry. It's a good creative outlet and stress reliever for me and it gives me a way to raise money for astrobiology without compromising my other responsibilities here at UW. I only hope that economic recovery is just around the corner so that even more people can enjoy our jewelry and help us raise money for research at the same time.

Time is at a Premium

The last week has been my busiest yet and all I really remember about the last few days are the experiments I was trying to cram into them. Now that I've gotten comfortable with amino acid isotherms, I've turned the bulk of my attention towards mastering lipid adsorption isotherms. My first round of experiments ended disasterously when a volumetic flask I used to make one of my solutions got contaminated somehow, resulting in an impenetrable, inky-black semi-solid substance that was of no use to me (and encrusted my test tubes like char). In an attempt to make up for lost time, I launched a series of parallel experiments which, under normal circumstances, I would have done sequentially. So far, so good; no more black muck! I haven't finished analyzing all the data yet, but I hope to have everything plotted in another day or two-- so long as I don't get interrupted again. As it is, I can't completely move forward with my lipid experiments because my PI is more interested in my work with amino acids at the moment. She is always coming up with extra things to add and new things to try. Sometimes, the results are fuzzy enough to warrant a redo but thankfully, that hasn't happened too often. Today, we had to place this project on hold because we ran out of a reagent called Ninhydrin; can't run assays without it. It's probably just as well anyway since I've been falling behind on my reading and could probably use a few days at my desk (yeah, right! Not with lipid experiments I can still do!).

I must say though, that I'm starting to feel bad about aspects of my personal life that are starting to get swallowed up by research. I can't remember the last time I visited my own website, made any jewelry, or chatted with my friends online. Someone even approached me to express an interest in doing some research together and I still haven't found time to get back to him about it. Even my blog writing is suffering as more and more data screams for analysis while I'm sitting on the bus (where I write my blog entries). I also keep forgetting to take care of certain personal errands like getting my prescriptions renewed or returning borrowed items. In some ways, I feel like I'm starting to lose myself. One of my old professors once stressed the importance of having a life outside of graduate school. Since I didn't really have much of a life during those years I was sick, I sort of got used to going without a lot of things. I couldn't afford to go out or have hobbies and I barely had enough energy to get through the day, let alone do anything extra.

Up On The Soapbox

So... Here I am sitting at UW Hospital having even MORE of my time wasted! Apparently, whoever scheduled my CT-scans screwed up royally! They told me that I was going to have them done at the hospital and then turned around and had them scheduled for Research Park on the other end of town! Seriously! What is wrong with people? Haven't they cost me enough time? They suggested (when I checked in at UW Hospital) that I could still make the appointment at my original location if I drove straight over.... Great! So whose car can I take to do that? Yours? Why does everyone assume I have a car? If I wasn't still paying out the nose for past medical expenses, maybe I could have bought several cars by now!

Since this time-waster was the pain doc's bright idea in the first place and then staff created this additional burden... At least the receptionist at UW Hospital knew what she was doing and squeezed me in between the patients who were scheduled properly. I'm just doubly frustrated because my PI added more items to the (already massive) to-do list and as it was, I had no idea how I was going to finish everything. She didn't realize I had medical tests scheduled for the following day and gave me another day to get things done but still... I'm trying to work around another student's projects as well so it's not a matter of simply diving into my work at the drop of a hat; it takes an immense amount of planning & coordination.

Last night, I stayed up late to run some calculations for the new experiments and find a way to squeeze them in between the ones that were already on my agenda for today, tomorrow and the day after that. I'm sure my lab mate (who I share a lot of resources with) isn't particularly happy with me right now for trying to take over the lab. I'm hoping he had other things planned for the next few days--like data analysis, which can be done on his own laptop. Meanwhile, I'm stuck waiting here for a space to squeeze into. The only other alternative would have been to reschedule and that would definitely have made a much bigger mess than we already have! I figure I’d already lost time today so we might as well get it over with.

You can be sure that the next time a doctor wants me to take time from work for tests (when I'm asymptomatic), I will refuse on the grounds that my work has suffered enough! It's like they're trying to slowly suffocate my reputation in the lab before I even finish my first semester! Sure, they probably had their reasons but if my academic career dies, nothing else will matter. I live for science and if I'm not allowed to do it, if I'm forbidden to be myself, then all that hard work and preventative care will be for nothing. Besides, there is a large part of me that feels like I have something to prove.

Most patients in my situation leave their professions and never return. The general public tends to look at chronic pain patients a certain way and I want to completely dissolve that stereotype. Furthermore, I think it's important to give hope to others suffering from chronic pain. I want to show people that it is possible to have it all; that you can successfully shuffle medical responsibilities, professional obligations, fiscal crises and still find time to have a social life. Although, I have to say, that last item may be somewhat of a stretch. Between mounting expectations, a growing workload and constant interruptions, I'm finding it difficult to find time for myself.

As it is, I write all my blog entries on my smartphone while I'm on the go (usually on the bus or in waiting rooms). I never write from a desk. That's why there are long gaps between posts as well. I'm lucky if I can log in more than once a week (to post multiple entries at the same time, written on different days). So if you happen to notice lengthy periods where the blog isn't getting updates, you can be fairly certain that it's because I have too much work to do and too little time for my personal life. I'm also starting to worry about AARI's upkeep. I haven't had any time for the website, fundraising, or advertising lately. My poor volunteers haven't even gotten their stuff yet! I keep hoping things will settle down by "such-and-such-a-date" but then it never does...

Well, I guess that's the end of my writing for today; just lost one arm to an inconveniently-placed IV.

Overscheduled & Running Down

My resentment for having to take time away from research for medical appointments is reaching an all-time high. I have all these plans for getting back on schedule (yes, all the interruptions have put me behind), but I can't seem to find enough time (where others aren't using the equipment I need) to actually execute them! I just had my pump refilled today (getting there & back plus all the waits took all afternoon) and tomorrow morning I get to spend the whole morning at UW Hospital for CT-scans (yes, more than one) so I won't be able to start anything in the lab at all until I'm through there. Since most experiments take several consecutive days to do, I already know that the only hope I have of getting anything done this week is to sacrifice the weekend entirely. After all the running around, I could sure use a proper rest!

On top of that, there was talk at today's appointment of having me come in to discuss the films being taken tomorrow too! Don't these people realize I have to work? I don't have time for all this! How ridiculous is it to sacrifice an entire afternoon (a whole day's experiments) just to be told you're fine and the films are clear? Sheesh! I keep having to explain to everyone that I'm completely reliant on public transportation and can't just pick up and go to the other end of town whenever the mood strikes me. None of my medical appointments are within walking distance of the lab so I have to coordinate bus schedules (and my research) pretty far in advance. It's almost like they EXPECT to find trouble. I say, why poke your nose in the hornets nest?

I just don't want my PI to be disappointed when she comes back (she's away at the moment). Also, I don't want to be disappointed in myself. My undergraduate advisor always told me that I was too hard on myself and my lab mates seem fairly impressed with the speed at which I picked up new techniques but still... I can't seem to find a way to put that "to-do" list (my PI left for me) out of my mind. Maybe I'll feel better once I reach the halfway point... And I did lose a few weeks in the beginning to training so maybe I'm not as far behind as I think. Sure, I'll just keep telling myself that...

Here's a funny pic to cheer us up on a crappy, crabby day! Who doesn't like cute, chihuahua puppies?

Share and Share Alike

Every lab has it's own suite of shared equipment. Often these items aren't cared for as much as those designated for use by an individual researcher. Since no single person is responsible for their maintenance, they often get covered in grime, go uncalibrated for extended periods of time, and "mysteriously break" or "stop working all by themselves". Shared items in the Sahai lab are generally well taken care of; perhaps one of the more beneficial side-effects that come with keeping the size of the lab down (fewer suspects when something goes awry). Still, there are other issues from which no lab is immune.

Every member of a lab has their own research projects; each with their own unique protocols and requirements. This means that even though some people may depend on the same piece of equipment, the ways in which they use it may conflict with the plans other people have for it-- whether that means modifying/programming an item for customization or needing it at a particular time for a given length of time (so that others can't use it). People either deal with these situations in one of two ways: 1) Pulling rank (seniority dictates priority) or 2) Trying to work through conflicts by planning in advance (discussing with others who needs what, when and for how long). The latter is generally preferred in this lab and usually, that seems to work fairly well for everyone.

Problems arise however, when someone in the "chain of custody" loses sight of what his/her colleagues need. In my case, someone shut off a high-temperature heat block I was using near the end of one of my experiments (specifically, I was studying the adsorption of DPPC on alpha-Al₂O₃). Once I realized what had happened, I spoke with the only other person who was in the lab with me that day. Rather than admitting it was an accident, I was assaulted by a torrent of lies and excuses in rapid succession which I found utterly insulting (this person was not a lab member, by the way).

Something many people don't realize about me is that I have always been very good at analyzing microexpressions. As an undergraduate, I also took a lot of psychology courses, where I gained an appreciation for signs of deception (and plenty of A's too). Sure I was disappointed that I'd have to start over because of someone else's mistake, but it was an accident. People make honest mistakes all the time and I can appreciate that. What really bothered me was the fact that this person preferred to lie about it, instead of apologize. It took this person over an hour to say they were sorry and even then, it was very hard for them to resist making excuses.

Test yourself on the METT!

So, if you ever find yourselves in a situation where you make an honest mistake that compromises someone else's work, the best thing to do is own up to it, apologize and offer to make ammends. If you are dishonest about your accidents and someone catches you, they could come to resent you for it and may not be willing to help you out in the future. Research groups really are like surrogate families; everyone is supposed to look out for everyone else. How would you be able to trust your siblings if you already know that they can't trust you? There is plenty of inter-lab rivalry in science already! Who needs bickering from within? Besides anything that raises your lab's status as a whole, makes it's individual members look good too!