Guilty Until Proven Innocent

Over the past few days, I've had my hands full with a major bureaucratic crisis, of sorts. It all started with a letter in the mail from UW which stated that the social security number I submitted during the consent phase of a criminal background check (required for all new university employees), belonged to someone else who lived in Michigan from 1934-1951. Superficially, it seemed utterly ridiculous, and even a bit funny (clearly, I am NOT that old!), but this letter heralded the arrival of some serious consequences!

Since no one could be technically hired by the University of Wisconsin without first passing a criminal background check, if I didn't find a way to fix this problem, I wasn't going to be paid or get health insurance coverage! Needless to say, panic quickly set in and I immediately called my PI to tell her what was happening (thankfully, when she says she has an "open-door policy", she really means it!). She gave me the name of someone else in the department who oversees new appointments and told me to call her. Although I wasn't expecting to get a response to my voicemail message until the following day, Michelle Szabo got right back to me. She reassured me that this was probably just a minor typographical error and would be quickly rectified once I went in to South Hall the following day to straighten it out.


The next morning, I brought in heaps of papers to support my claims (that I was who I said I was and that the SSN I use really is mine... And has been since 1996!). I had to beg to get the check re-run by Hire Right, the company UW contracts to conduct them. The same methods led to the same result so, one thing led to another and ultimately, I was forced to go to the social security office here in Madison for proof that my social security number really was mine and hadn't ever been issued to anyone else.

Not only did I receive a certificate to verify what I had been saying all along but the lady I spoke with at the Social Security Administration actually picked up the phone and called the criminal background check coordinator whose number was on the letter I received. She asked the coordinator how the checks were being conducted because the only way they could have gotten such a ridiculous result would have been to use only a portion of my SSN and assume that I was born in the same state that issued my social security card, Michigan (which, I was not, since I was actually born in Canada!). Want to know what the real kicker is? If I had come to Madison as a Canadian (or any other foreign national), I would not have had to go through a criminal background check at all! How outrageous is that?

So anyway, I brought the certificate I received from Social Security back to the criminal background check coordinator and spent a very nerve-wracking weekend without medical insurance (a very dangerous thing for someone like me). Over the weekend, my PI kept a close eye on my situation and made recommendations which, I believe, finally got things moving along. The following morning, I camped out at South Hall until a call was finally placed to Hire Right (that continued to insist that they were using my full social security number in their search and not only that, but that the data came from the Social Security Administration itself!). Clearly, we weren't getting anywhere.

For the time being, it was decided that the results of the background check would be ignored and my appointment would simply proceed as planned. It only made sense... I mean even if I was an ex-con (and I'm not-- but you'll have to take my word for it *LOL!*), what harm could I possibly cause in a geology department? We don't work with hazardous biological agents (for the most part), children (except during supervised outreach activities), or other people's money. Seriously, if I was a criminal, I'd think my department was a pretty lame place to hang out.

So there you have it. Criminals beware! The University of Wisconsin is keeping a lookout for you! Even innocent people aren't immune. Those who passed their checks, interestingly enough, seemed to be the most vocal in stating their objections to them. Quite frankly, they felt it was an invasion of their privacy. Although I personally have nothing to hide, I have to agree.

I only hope UW comes to realize that the money currently spent on these silly background checks would be better off going towards other things... like academic scholarships. Surely, cutting down on the debt loads of UW graduates would be a smarter investment! Just think of all those grateful future-alumni with their big fat paychecks (because they don't have student loans to repay!). It seems like a no-brainer to me.